Life in Color

America is not natural. Natural is tribal. We're fighting against thousands of years of human behavior and history to create something that no one's ever [done] - that's what's exceptional about America.  This ain't easy, it's an incredible thing.  - Jon Stewart, CBS interview, 2016

What happened this November?!

The world is falling apart.  "Our birds' heads are falling off!" - Dumb and Dumber.  Everything is just unraveling.... I've gone through all the stages of grief except for acceptance.  I'm not sure about that one, so maybe it is back to denial.

We all know this isn't true.  As Obama said, "The sun still came out this morning."  Our history has always been full of turmoil that we hope stays at bay and doesn't affect our nights out, Netflix binges, and coffee dates.  There was a time when our country was fighting itself - physically waging war on each other where more Americans died than all the wars put together.  Now at least we can wage war with our words through social media or actions such as blocking up the streets of Portland, OR.  The west coast might go ahead and join Canada.  Haha... just kidding... maybe...

I cried and grieved over this election, to my own surprise.  My brain shutdown just as it would if I were to become dysregulated over anything else.  It slowly began to respond again, lighting up from my brain stem fight/flight reaction - "I can't live in this nightmare, and I feel very scared," then to the emotional brain - tears and confusion for days, followed by the eventual re-opening of my prefrontal cortex - able to think again, digest, and reflect.  I had gotten wrapped up and so hopeful that a female would be elected - imagining that celebration of a glass ceiling breaking with confetti that looked like glass.  But not only that, that America wouldn't actually vote for a blatant bully (luckily, Melania Trump has stated she'd like to pursue anti-bullying as First Lady).  Millions of people across the country couldn't sleep that night, having nightmares, and stammering, "But he --- but... but didn't you hear all the things he said?"  Particularly as a female, I kept crying when anyone would bring up the little girls watching, and Hillary Clinton's words in her concession speech, "Never let anyone question the fact that you are valuable."  Then I cried some more watching Hillary even get through her concession speech because it further showed that she is actually made of steel.

Ugh, sigh, gahhhhhhh...  OK.  Well, I guess it's time we all add a little bit of politics to our lifestyle and not wait every four years to finally exercise our right to vote or remember we have a voice.  Just as people pull together during crisis, I feel like a positive side effect of all this is that it has given average white folk, known for their apathy, such as myself, a reason to be vocal - and to feel this call to action.  Yep, time to actually read information and not rely on soundbytes, call representatives, sign petitions... I imagine all these people are being absolutely bombarded right now - or at least, I hope.

I was pleasantly surprised, after I emailed all the electors, to receive a response back - an auto-response from one of the electors which included a short video of how the electoral college works.  Wow!  There ARE real people involved in these decisions.  I'm okay if they disagree with me - it just felt good to feel apart of a dialogue.  We need more of that.  Enough of this polarized politics where people demonize each other - can we talk this one out a little bit?

Today, I’m examining my values. As a Buddhist pal said to me on Election Night, “America has spoken.” Now it falls to us to listen with gracious and open hearts. This is not giving in or giving up. The hardest thing about democracy is the boring and irritating process of listening to people you don’t agree with, which is tolerable only when each side strives not to hurt the other’s feelings. To quote my colleague George Saunders, let today be National Attempt to Have an Affectionate / Tender Thought About Someone of the Opposing Political Persuasion Day. And (please, God) every day hereafter as well. - Mary Karr, "Donald Trump, Poet," The New Yorker

Now a montage of pretty Fall photos prior to entering Winter:

Because, Pumpkins

Puppy and the Rain

I've been a little hooked on Regina Spektor's new album, Remember Us to Life, and the song Seller of Flowers is one of my favorites (maybe give her the peace prize next time?). It keeps getting stuck in my head, especially since it seems appropriate for this time of year...

'Cause winters coming, soon after summer
It runs faster, faster, chasing off autumn
We go from a warm sun to only a white sun
We go from a large sun to only a small one

When I was a small girl, I walked through the market
Holding my dad's hand, mitten-gloved hand
That night there were roses, lit up in glass boxes
The heat lamps would keep them from freezing in winter

We never bought them but somebody must have
Maybe they made it or maybe they froze up
Before any person had put them in water
And hoped that they'd still be alive by the morning

Who's the winner
Not the roses, not the buyers, not the sellers,
Not the tellers, of the stories,
Not the fathers, not their children,
Not those walking on a dark night,
Through a memory they're forgetting,
Who's the winner, who's the winner
Maybe winter, maybe winter

We walked through the rain and the sage recently at the Good Dog Park.  The rain turned out to be deceptively light and after walking for 30 minutes, our jackets, pants, and hair, were carrying quite a number of droplets.  It felt nice though.  It's so dry out here, your own body feels ready to absorb as much water as it can get when it comes.  Similar to when I was a camp counselor - or camper - and we washed our hair in the rain if a good rainstorm came through, standing underneath the gutters of our cabin for a good rinse.  There's a somewhat famous quote - by Bob Marley? - which states, "Some feel the rain, other's just get wet."  This day, we were totally feeling the rain.  

Who's the winner, who's the winner

Maybe rainstorms, maybe rainstorms

Sage and the Rain

I do love the smell of the pine, sage, and juniper after a solid rain.  The scents hang in the air, particularly the pine.  The air feels thick, reminiscent of the East Coast, or even that forever-rainy Oregon valley.  

Explosive Orange

Wet Dog Getting Wetter

Water on Water

Red

I have to say, the Fall in Bend pales in comparison to New England (who's the winner).  You will find strips of trees turning a raging yellow and will find some red as well, but it is not nearly found in the same density as New England.  I think this is the first time I've felt nostalgic about New England since I've been here.  Where is my pumpkin beer?  Where are the pumpkin spice lattes?  Where is the apple picking? Again, you can find it here - just not in the same density/in-your-face-everywhere.  I wouldn't mind going back to the North Shore to Russell Orchards for some apple picking, cider doughnuts, or a pumpkin muffin.  Where is my sunny Fall hayride?

Leaves Over Rocks

Pumpkin on Pumpkin

I pumpkin-overdosed above: pumpkin latte and pumpkin pie.  

Immersion Brewing

As we say in Bend, all good things end in a brewery.  Nope, that's not true - no one says that.  Some other quotes that I like to keep in mind are always carry a growler and always bring a layer - even in the summer.   It is true that Bend is full of breweries.  Going back to New England's superior Fall, there seems to be a slight anti-pumpkin movement in Bend as well, which I feel holds it back from truly embracing the specialties of the season.  Deschutes brewery has a hastag #saynotopumpkin - what?!  Come on, Bend.  So one of my personal tasks has been to discover where the pumpkin beer is and to consume it.  So far I've found two spots and have heard of a third.  It's also not easy to find it bottled.  I've found two brands of pumpkin beer in the store.  It's just not a big thing here I suppose.... which is okay (?).   As much as I'm not even obsessed with pumpkin beer typically, now I am just because I feel it is a basic Fall right that everyone should be able to access these seasonal beverages.  Put down the IPAs people!

Jack/Jackie Lanterns

Yes, we are ready for this season of dark and light.  There was a satiric article I read awhile ago noting newsworthy destructive acts that white kids have done which are not portrayed by the media as being reflective of "white culture" as happens to other racial groups.  The article had real video footage of white kids destroying public property, storefronts, rioting, and had a commentator talking about how the "white community" will respond or not respond - and about the "future of white males."  One of these acts was a pumpkin fest at a New Hampshire college which had turned into a full on riot and the caption below the video stated, "Because, Pumpkins."  Pumpkins are pretty exciting.  I can't help but think about how that commentary relates to this election season and just how much destruction can one person get away with?  Because, .... ?

Who's the winner, who's the winner

Going back to feeling the rain and smelling the smells, let's not ever just get wet.

Beautiful Things

 This summer has been so full.  I am thankful that the weather has cooled down and that I can now quietly sit here, with electric blanket, glass of wine, spiced cider candle, acoustic music, and just reflect.  I made chicken soup last night, too.

There was the backpacking and camping almost every weekend in this summer.  We've attended two weddings, one in Yosemite and the other in Charlotte, NC, and had friends or family visiting at least once a month.  I even snuck in a trip to Scotland at the beginning of August where I was able to see my Grandfather one month before he passed away.  The sweeties he gave me still sit on my closet shelf.  Below are some photos and experiences that come to mind from the summer.  I think Regina Spektor's new song, The Visit, off of Remember Us to Life, puts words to changing life.

The Visit

I'm so glad that you stopped in
And I had some things to say
But now they've been forgotten
They'll get said a different day
They'll get said a different way

'Cause everything keeps changing

Life is always raging
Beyond the walls and cages
Everybody changes
Til tomorrow's yesterday

I'm so glad that you stopped by

And I will not ask you why
It's just good to see you
You always make me smile
And you always make me sigh

Sometimes I still wonder

Why the sounds of distant thunder
Always pulled you under
Why you searched, but never found her
Why she always got away

And somewhere on the hill

Inside the past we hear the bells
Catching only parts of thoughts
And fragments of ourselves
Till we begin again

I'm so glad that you are here

And I know that it's been years
I'm just glad to see you
And there's no need for tears

Time's best friend is fear

That's how it can find us
And do it's greatest kindness
Always to remind us
That it's our only time inside
This body and this mind

And somewhere in my mind

Behind closed eyes, I see the past
Catching every moment that went by
To make it last till I begin again

La la la la la la la...

Jordan (and Summer) on his birthday at the coast

These are my two companions for the summer adventures (and most of the time).  This was taken on Jordan's birthday.  It's sunny in this photo, but when we arrived to camp at the beach I swear it was the only cloudy part of the state.  The mist was so thick that we had no idea the sun was setting - which is a particular bummer after a bright and sunny drive the whole way there.  We cooked in the mist and somehow ignited a fire despite the moisture.  Next year, I think it's going to be a hot tub and beer.

Wallawas Hike

The Wallawas are one of those wilderness/forest areas that requires hiking in to see the beauty.  Unlike national parks which provide paved roads for convenient epic views, the Wallawas is relatively unknown and the mountains shield you from the lakes and wildflowers within them.  It took me two summers in Bend before I realized there was this other wilderness area in the NE corner, with a few 9,000 peaks right next to each other.  Even though camping, hiking, and especially backpacking can feel tedious and uncomfortable, most of the time I believe it is the freshest way to experience the wilderness.  Waking up with the smell of fresh air right in your face and feeling the earth below you can be a nice change of pace.

I could not get over the amount of wildflowers along our trail in the Wallawas.  This was the hurricane creek trail which the Joseph Visitor Center guy described as "trail of instant gratification." We hiked through three separate fields of wildflowers during the golden hour.  There's something that I like about the above photo, even thought the trees are totally blocking the view of the mountain.

So many wildflowers in the Wallawas

The summer can be tricky in Bend because Bend becomes full of people, not only in the town but also all along the most beautiful trails and camping areas.  My friend had just returned to Bend from going through a few months of major surgery and recovery, participating in a live donation of part of her liver to her brother whose liver was failing.  Thankfully, everything turn out well and her brother is now on the road to full recovery and a healthy life.

We had wanted to do a backpacking trip but due to the heat, we headed out to Miller Lake where we were lucky enough to find a lakeside campsite.  We could put in the paddle-boards right down a small hill from where we camped.  Spending time by the water was a good choice.  In the morning, the lake resembled a mirror that we quietly paddle-boarded across.  It was so silent.  At night we got the fire going and Jordan played guitar for us and sang.  We made fajitas and cocktails.  Yes, this was glamping - somewhat.  I think it's fun to bring extras out to the woods - cilantro, sour cream, gin & tonic, limes.  The sunset on the water was this incredible hot pink.  What a way to end a summer day.

Paddleboarding on Miller Lake

Pink Cotton Candy Sunset on Miller Lake

Chilling after our hike up Green Lakes trail

I felt very intimated prior to our backpacking up in Green Lakes.  I read the weather report and saw that temperatures were going to dip into the 30s at night and remain only in the 50s during the day.  The Three Sisters Wilderness area also did not allow fires, which means even less warmth.  Sher and Eric were coming to town though and we were going to go for it.  I bought Jordan a backpack and sleeping bag for his birthday.  We were ready.  Right?  Being the first weekend in September, this was our first feel of Fall - which is exciting and also like, whoa!  Chilly.  We survived though and it was completely worth it.  Hiking out in the frost was magical, since everything was sparkling.  This is one step closer to winter camping for me.  Maybe.

In front of Broken Top on our way to No Name Lake

We hiked to No Name Lake our second day.  The day started out cold, but once we got moving, it was perfect hiking weather.  We hiked around the bottom of Broken Top Mountain with views of South Sister and Bachelor the whole way. 

No Name Lake

Me and South Sister

Sher and Eric, hiking back

You can see the alpine flowers in the above picture.  The lighting was perfect as we hiked down.  I woke up before sunrise the next morning and got out of our little tent (called "The Spaceship") to visit the lakes.  The lakes were still - again, that mirror quality.  Everything was covered in a silvery layer and the light was gentle.  This was the first sign of Winter.

Frosty Morning at Green Lakes

My toes/feet hurt so bad the whole 4 mile hike back to the parking lot.  Sure enough, they turned black and blue a couple days later.  I threw my hiking shoes away.

Hiking out of Green Lakes

BRAS backpacking trip

On our girls backpacking trip we realized that our initial spell BRAS - Brittney, Rachel, Ander, and Sarah.  I often forget the power of being in an all girls group and how I feel as a person when in them. In all girls company you can find the kind of solidarity and support around topics that might be taboo to talk about in public, like stuff to do with our bodies, babies, and relationships.  I just finished listening to Amy Schumer's Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo.  She writes about her own experience that humanize issues (ahem, that good ole "locker room banter") that females often face.  Jordan listened to it as well, all the way down to Yosemite.  But as great as Jordan is, it is still pretty great to spend time in all female company from time to time.  With a full on acronym for ourselves, we'll be sure to continue to have these experiences.

Hikinnnnnng

To the Lake

Packers

When Rachel caused Brittney's Teepee to fall down

Coffee

The most epic sanctuary

Emily and Tony's wedding was homegrown and as unique as they are.  I can't say I've ever been to a wedding with a backdrop like THIS.  To think that some people spend hundreds of thousands of dollars and you can get a backdrop like this for the cost of a permit.  Getting there required effort - an 10-11 hour drive, dealing with tourist traffic through the park, losing cell phone reception, and paying way too much for a gallon of gas (in the park).  Those were small costs to pay for the views of the company of these two and all of the personal touches of their wedding and ceremony.

In front of Half Dome

Half Dome Selfie

Looking out

Love this pie topper

Sweet elegance

Old Friends

These are just a few of the highlights from the Summer.  Now it's time to turn into the home, buy some candles to burn, and rest.  I believe that's what Fall and Winter are for.  I think a theme for these highlights would be, put simply, that all the best things in life are (relatively) free.