Jersey

My best friend moved to New Mexico at the end of fourth grade and it wasn't until I overheard her mom saying, "Yeah, we always have to explain to people where we're from in New Jersey and that's it's really beautiful," that I started to realize that New Jersey has such a terrible reputation and is even referred to as the "armpit state" sometimes.  Growing up in such a lush area, I always thought New Jersey was beautiful and didn't question why it's called "The Garden State".  In Revolutionary War history I took pride in the story of Washington crossing the Delaware, which is about twenty minutes from my house, and enjoyed driving through the Delaware Water Gap, past the Appalachian Trail, on our way to Pennsylvania (or, Pennsyltucky).  However, now, when I say I'm from New Jersey people usually assume I'm from the city, mention Jersey Shore, think of Jersey housewives or offer their condolences.  

On the other hand, my mom gets such positive reactions when people realize she's from Scotland: "Oh Scotland!  I've always wanted to go there!".  Sometimes when I tell people that I'm going over to visit family their reaction is, "Oh, it'll be so nice to be out in the countryside."  However, my grandparents actually live in government housing, where all the houses are connected in a row, left over from a more socialist era of Scotland (though they themselves still refuse to buy their house) in a small city that had been centered around industry - particularly the huge steelworks that used to be in the area, which is where my grandfather worked after having worked on the railway (my grandmother's people were miners).  Although the countryside is never far away, and Scotland is very beautiful, my mom actually grew up in something closer to what people picture Jersey being like.  Going to visit my grandparents is more like going to Lynn, if you're familiar with the Boston area. 

Each person's context is so specific, it's important to try to ask a person questions before jumping to conclusions about who they are or where their from.  When people ask where I'm from now, I don't even really know what to tell them.  New Jersey?  North Shore?  Boston?  At a retreat in November, basically for ropes course facilitators and people connected with that kind of work, I went to a workshop on horse therapy.  I had no idea how much wisdom I would hear from this woman who has worked with horses for so long (she's from Scottish descent, so I'm sure that has something to do with how wise she is).  

One of the things that she mentioned about horses is that they have such a high sense of resonance - that they can feel what you're feeling and that they can sense danger even when they can't see it coming.  She told us to approach them with curiosity and simply put out our hand and they would come to us.  I felt nervous doing this, being in front of such a majestic creature that could run toward me at any second.  However, the horse came right to me and even tried to nuzzle against me, it was kind of precious.

She talked about really looking at the horse and asking, "Who are you?" but more importantly, related this to when we look at people we need to really look into their eyes and genuinely wonder, "Who are you?".   We watched her move a horse around the pen just by approaching it with energy.  By jumping up and down and running beside it, she was able to persuade it to jump over one of the hurdles.  What a great visual for anyone teaching, facilitating or working with people.  

Looking at someone and genuinely taking the time to listen to who they are may be something that gets overlooked, when we put people together by our associations or assumptions rather than who they might actually be - or could be.  Being limited to mere stereotypes is too small, our lives are much more nuanced and unique than that.  Just as Jersey can be beautiful in some places, life doesn't always resemble what we think or expect - and that's what should make it such a CURIOUS place...