Grow!

Elephants

In the long history of humankind (and animal kind, too) those who learned 
to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed. 
Charles Darwin

There’s a French expression that my friend taught me: you can’t eat a whole elephant in one bite.  I felt like this was appropriate to apply to removing two feet of snow that surrounded my car.  I kept my expectations low by reasoning that women's bodies weren't meant to lift shovels and shovels of snow anyway, right?  Therefore, it was fine if it took me all day to remove all the snow surrounding my car.  It was just me and my (landlord’s) shovel to lock down this job.  

My breath grew deeper after the first five scoops of snow were lifted and tossed across the street.  My knitted hat was filling with sweat but within half an hour the driver's side was clear. What a miracle!  I took a coffee break.

As I started up again, I couldn't help but amuse myself with the ridiculous metaphor from The Dictator,  “I love it when women go to school. It's like seeing a monkey on roller skates -- it means nothing to them, but it's so adorable for us...".  This crossed my mind due to how pathetic I imagined I looked as I lifted the snow up and threw it over the fence.  It was then that my humor was abruptly interrupted.

“You can’t put that snow there.” said a man coming out of the house nearby.

I looked up and acknowledged him, smiling in the way that someone does when they hear what was said but are going to ignore it anyway. 

“I don’t think you understand," he continued, "Really, it’s too much.  The pile is too big.”

What he was telling me, was that I had to remove all the snow from the passenger side of my car to the other side of the street.  This includes not only lifting the snow, but walking it as well.  Moving it was strenuous enough on its own but - are you trying to KILL me?  I had to retaliate. 

“Why can’t I put it here?!  It’s not blocking anything – the door, the walkway!“  I cried out, staring at him and then back at the mountain of snow in his front yard. 

“It’s blocking the window." he said.  "You need to move it over there.  You need to move it off the sidewalk, too.  I paid someone to shovel that yesterday.”

“It's not possible for me to move it over there!”

“I had to do it and you have to try.”  He said as he started to shovel around his own van in front of the house.  Another man had entered the street and I turned my head to him for support. 

“You can’t put it there.” He told me.

“But it’s not possible.” I told him, my arms hanging down with the shovel glancing from the snow in front of me to the other side of the street.  “I’m not CAPABLE.”

Ice cube tears of frustration were trying to pop out of my eyes and big sad gulps were moving in my throat.  I blamed New England.  I blamed all the stereotypes connected with it: cold, efficient, high achieving, neurotic and less caring.  In the simple lyrics of Regina Spektor in Ode to Divorce, “Why don’t you help a brother out?  Out?  Ouuuuuuuut.”

However, this man then began to shovel with me - redeeming some of my more negative thoughts. 

“Thank you.  This is such a big help….” I said a few times.

He pitied me and continued.  He helped shovel around the back of my car, asked if it was good, and mumbled something as he walked back inside his house.  I began to seriously question why I live here.  Why not California?

Yet, since I had been helped, I could feel a different energy in the air.  Though I had gotten off to a poor start with the first man, it didn't matter.  He was many years older than me and could use a hand, despite how inept my hand might be.  Soon we found ourselves working at the front of my car and the back of his.  There was another guy with him now who was helping enthusiastically.

“Thank you!  That’s such a big help.” I told him.

“Oh, I’m just happy to help!  Are you from around here?” he asked me. 

“Yeah, I live across the street.”  I told him, thinking of how that should be obvious.  Then I realized his mind was different from mine.  “Are you from around here?” I asked.

“No, I’m from Medford.  I live near a restaurant, so I’m all set.” He said, beaming from ear to ear.

Turns out he was getting paid to help for a bit and he left not much later.  It was now down to me and the first man, who I was now high-fiving with my shovel every time we were able to clear more of the snow.  I helped him clear out underneath his car.  He then suggested I move my car so we could clear out underneath it and said that if we fully cleared out all the walls of snow between the vehicles, he could park his other car there.  Now that my muscles had gotten used to the motions and the endorphins were working their magic, I felt better. 

His name was Donald and he had already shoveled out his driveway yesterday.  He was decades older than me and I couldn't imagine shoveling such an amount of snow.  I gained more respect for him and began to feel more comfortable than I had when he first told me to stop piling snow in his front yard.  This felt better. 

Darwin apparently wrote more about compassion, love and collaboration in Origin of Species than competition and survival of the fittest.  He wrote, “In the long history of humankind (and animal kind, too) those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed.”   This makes sense, despite us often being more suspicious of than gracious towards people.  But once collaboration begins, we get excited about working together even more.

Three hours later, my car was in the clear and looking good.  The sun was shining and this caused it to actually shimmer, making up for the soreness in my back.  I said goodbye to Donald, wished him luck with some of his other shoveling and tumbled back into my house.  I looked down towards my roommate’s car still held captive underneath all the snow.  I hoped the sun and rain would clean it up before she comes back from France because I did NOT want to start biting off pieces of that elephant.   

  

Pacing

Whales

My Easter bonnet was almost a wooly hat, had it not been left behind by my North Face jacket walking out the door.  On the sand, next to the water, we sat on rocks and read from the common book of prayer those exaltations designed for each and every occasion. 

Put far from them, every root of bitterness, the desire of vainglory, and the pride of life.  Fill them with faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience... Turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; and so enkindle fervent charity among us all, that we may evermore be kindly affectioned one to another.

That book uses words we've left behind.  The silver sea lay below thick clouds whose strength forced us away.  Snowflakes were coming down.  Though flowers had already begun to bloom, they were the only sign it was April. 

Later, I let an egg sit in blue dye.  I imagined the small white specks as constellations, as if it were a new universe.  Thinking of the universe reminds me how tiny we are and how there are whales below the water.  If there are whales below the water, I can only imagine what else I don't know is out there. 

Page-turning

The living room is yellow, with dark carved wood hugging each window pane, fireplace mantel and floor board, matched by a table, chairs and cupboard built into the corner of the dining room. Blue tile lies in the entrance, resting below a grassy green door with a circular frame and rectangular window in the middle, providing a peek-hole into this castle. I am lounging in a friendly black leather chair, feet seated on a matching foot rest, accompanied by a silent fireplace. Orange and yellow leaves give all their colors through the windows lining this front wall, their shadows colliding with sunbeams on the caramel wood. A petite chocolate chair with an ocean cushioned seat states me down from the opposite corner. At its right hand sits a lamp on the chestnut radiator - curvy licorice stem with a creamy shade. Sculpted metal leaves pop out of each end of the curving window frame. High heels echo, asking for the white dress. Fall air is wrapping me up in this space that my friend is learning to call her home.

Sea

There it is.

Water,

soaking space
between land and shore.

sweeping

stilling
sleeping

drifting under sky

sinking blue sighs

exhaling.

I can't tell you how much I love seeing you.

Just Gimme the Coffee

Tall Chai, 2 pumps vanilla, extra hot? Sure.
Grande? This one? Do you want Bold or Pike?
Hi. Good Morning.
Venti Latte, nonfat. Did you want whip on that?

Can I get a morning bun?
Sorry about that! I heard “pumpkin” somehow. So, you wanted Cinnnamon Dolce?
GRINDING GRINDING GRINDING
$100? K. You're all set. And you wanted to pay with the card?
I don't really know much about the ap actually.
I gotta get one of these gold cards.
Black and White Mocha? Hold on a minute. What is that?
The Brice? You probably told me, but I don't remember. So – a Trenta cup with ice – and you're Brian, with the ice, that's the Brice? Ok.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
I'm sorry, what was the first drink?
Ah, the Ted special. What is that again? No problem.
Just getting some more pennies. I hate the pennies.
Tall Bold.
Medium Pike.
Can I get a piece of pumpkin bread? Great choice.
GRINDING GRINDING GRINDING GRINDING
So, that was soy milk?
There's actually cream and sugar over at the counter.
Chocolate Chip Cookie? That sounds so good.
Hi! I love your jacket.
Bryan with a y! Yes, I remember.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
And that's Barb, not Bob, right? With that Boston accent, it just sounds so similar. But you're Barb and you're Bob. Got it.
And that wasn't decaf or anything, right?
Cricket?

Seven? Like the number?
You know, people say the name doesn't matter, but I don't agree.
Where are you from? I was just in Buenos Aires! Love South America.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Hey! How's it going? Yup, been here a few weeks. It's good, like a game.
You can put "DJ Jonelle" on that cup.
It's just so funny that they're Marshmallow Dream Bars. We all know they're really rice crispie treats.
I know, they look so good. But they're not real food, just sugar pretending to be.
Totally. I've gotten that before.
Hey, I went to Gordon.
GRINDING GRINDING GRINDING
Americano. My favorite drink.
So your total is $4.86.
Pumpkin Scone? Nice.
I'm sorry, can you say that one more time?
It's like autumn in a cup.
Hey, I have the same backpack. So good!
You all set?
Nice, my dad's name is Gary.
GRINDING GRINDING GRINDING
Thanks! I got it in Mexico.
I love your scarf. Where in France?
So I guess that's our only organic coffee then.
What do I think of Howard Shultz?
Yes, you can.
Salted Caramel Mocha? So good. They'll kill you though.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
And here's your change – 2 Abraham Lincolns. Nice. Thanks!
I'm good, you?
Enjoy!
Thank you!