(3) Moon River.
Do you want to know what I think?
What do you think?
I think she’s a lost cause.
A nurse shared that with me at the emergency department regarding a fifteen year old female who I was sending to acute psychiatric treatment. A lost cause at fifteen. This was our fifth time seeing this girl - I will refer to as Moon River - over the past two years. We had seen her for multiple overdoses and self-harm.
“I am NOT going to another program,” Moon said to me, while I was asking her some questions. “Are you the one who decides that? I just want to go home, participate in therapy… I just want to go home.” She said, staring at me with wide eyes, remnants of mascara and eye make-up shadowing them.
Moon sat on the bed with heart rate monitors on her chest. She had the longest fingernails and rings on every finger. She reached down next to her to pull up a bag onto the hospital bed.
“Is that your bag?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m just getting my make-up. Ugh, I look terrible! I’m so sorry.” she says as she holds up a mirror to her face and re-applies.
“Well, most people don’t look their best in a hospital, you know?”
"You're not going to send me to a program are you?"
Moon describes feeling upset that the substances did not kill her and stated that she wouldn’t be trying them again, since they didn’t work. She talked about wanting to die, everyday, all the time, and only felt better when she was high.
Moon was pissed at me for referring her to treatment. I told her that was okay, she could be mad at me. She was starting to get more escalated and I said - being mindful of how high her heart rate already was,
"We’ll just take it one day at a time."
"What does that mean?"
Mmmmm, good call - not much... I also find that the kids who have the guts to abuse substances are also good at calling you out on bull*%& statements.
Moon describes feeling upset that the substances did not kill her and stated that she wouldn’t be trying them again, since they didn’t work. She talked about wanting to die, everyday, all the time, and only felt better when she was high.
Moon was pissed at me for referring her to treatment. I told her that was okay, she could be mad at me. She was starting to get more escalated and I said - being mindful of how high her heart rate already was,
"We’ll just take it one day at a time."
"What does that mean?"
Mmmmm, good call - not much... I also find that the kids who have the guts to abuse substances are also good at calling you out on bull*%& statements.
“It means right now you can focus on just getting better tonight.” I said looking at her Mom, who was smiling at me.
Moon River is a song about drifting, not feeling a home, and never feeling truly loved. People are fascinated with you, yet don’t actively love you, and you continue drifting through the world searching for something - trying to reach your dreams - surrounded by superficial celebrities. I imagine this girl was drifting, escaping, and struggling to trust and feel loved in the world. Without feeling this kind of connection, I can only imagine that I could feel the same way as her. I hope maybe we can help her to try something different.
Moon river, wider than a mile
I'm crossin' you in style some day
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way
Two drifters, off to see the world
Moon River is a song about drifting, not feeling a home, and never feeling truly loved. People are fascinated with you, yet don’t actively love you, and you continue drifting through the world searching for something - trying to reach your dreams - surrounded by superficial celebrities. I imagine this girl was drifting, escaping, and struggling to trust and feel loved in the world. Without feeling this kind of connection, I can only imagine that I could feel the same way as her. I hope maybe we can help her to try something different.
Moon river, wider than a mile
I'm crossin' you in style some day
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way
Two drifters, off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after that same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the Bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me
We're after that same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the Bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me
Oh, and Moon, you are NOT a lost cause. I kicked that nurse in the shins for you (just kidding). I actually explained the situation more and the nurse seemed to have more empathy.
We have to do that all the time.
