The Brain is Awesome

 "But it must be said from the outset that a disease is never a mere loss or excess - that there is always a reaction, on the part of the affected organism or individual, to restore, to replace, to compensate for and to preserve its identity, however strange the means may be: and to study or influence these means, no less than the primary insult to the nervous system, is an essential part of our role as physicians.  This was powerfully stated by Ivy McKenzie:

For what is it that constitutes a 'disease entity' or a 'new disease'?  The physician is concerned not, like the naturalist, with a wide range of different organisms theoretically adapted in an average way to an average environment, but with a single organism, the human subject, striving to preserve its identity in adverse circumstances."

- Oliver Sachs, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat

A couple weeks ago I went to a small workshop entitled, "Mapping the Brain" led by a F.H. Willard, a professor of Anatomy at the College of Osteopathic Medicine at the University of New England.  In four hours he summarized basic brain organization and chemical processes, skimming the surface of how the brain functions and facilitates our movements and interactions: our lives.

This relates well with my internship where I facilitate a few support groups and have one-on-ones with adults who have a traumatic brain injury, twice a week at The Krempels Center - an extremely organized and sophisticated program.  There are a variety of groups with titles such as: Just Move It, Creative Expressions, Brain Power, Transitions, Life Skills, Aphasia Support, What's Cooking?, and Easy Reader, which all center around speech, occupational, and emotional therapy for people looking to find community with those who have found themselves on the journey of "Life After Brain Injury" as Krempel's slogan identifies.

The stories of the members can be both sad and scary.  My brother doesn't let me tell them, and says, "Sarah, I have enough mental problems of my own!"  Some are the kind of stories that you can't think about too much because they could happen to anyone, such as car accidents or strokes.  Some involve alcohol, either having crashed or been hit due to someone being under the influence.  Some were in the driver's seat, others weren't.  One woman, not under the influence, was flung from her car when she crashed at 65 mph, causing her to be in a coma for six months and waking up nonverbal, unable to walk and seeing quadruple.  Doctors gave her one negative prognosis after another, yet here she is today walking and talking.

One of the members wrote a memoir, which I read in one sitting as it was so compelling.  He had been an alcoholic throughout his teen years and into college, but as he was a middle class, smart, white kid - he was just seen as the life of the party.  He was funny enough to keep drinking and act destructively without anyone to seriously advise him to stop.  Even after his brother fell from a three story apartment and injured his spine, during a party in Cancun, causing him to forever be in a wheelchair, it still didn't stop him from continued binge drinking.  A year after his brother's accident, he crashed his own car and woke up with brain damage and his left side inhibited, and finding it difficult to walk.  After different kinds speech and occupational of therapy, he now appears to be a normal guy, his brain injury barely noticeable except for the side effect of his limp.  He's a great guy to talk to, despite his struggle to overcome obstacles that were not present before his accident.

Today is Homecoming on campus.  Girls were jumping down from their bunk beds at 6 am above my room, as if it was Christmas morning.  They excitedly rummaged through the kitchen for appropriate food for their day of drinking, ate breakfast, screamed for excitement, and sped out the door in droves to begin tailgating before the game.  Funny enough, they're actually on probation at the moment - I'm not sure of the particulars, and not sure what it prohibits them from, but I believe it interferes with some of their habits outside the house.  Although I always keep wine and beer in my room, the obsession with binge drinking and the way that life on campus, or at least down Frat row over here, seems to revolve around it, is often alarming and seems like a waste.  Now, I can't help but mention from time to time, as I did last night, "I work with people with brain injuries, some which are alcohol-related...  Be smart out there!"  Likewise, on the ropes course, when I put helmets on the kids, I can't help but tell them, "It's important to protect your brain!"  It's the brain bucket, as some kids say.  When they're running around during tag games, I remind them that most accidents happen during tag and to make sure that they... protect their brain!  Protect your awesome functioning brain.

The brain is a crazy place.  It is so fragile, but so accommodating.  It facilitates changes and is what we make it.  As infants, are brains have so little of the white matter that represent the network of axon fibers stretching out and making connections throughout.  The brain grows up and out: the amygdala and brain stem, at the bottom, are the oldest and most instinctual parts and are very similar to that of fish and reptiles.  As we develop, white matter stretches into our frontal lobe as we learn language and how to be social, including how to act appropriately in the culture we're in. Kids start learning how to regulate their impulses and when we're really old, those connections may begin to fade, causing us to forget how to regulate ourselves.  The bladder isn't only mechanical but also socially regulated; our brain tells us where it is and isn't okay to release it.  But if that connection hasn't formed, or is worn away, we may be a little confused.  I informed my mom that our 14 year old cat may be having the same problem, seeming to have forgotten that she's supposed to use the kitty litter.

One of the members was coming out of her five minute seizure, where her brain seems to need to rest for a few minutes as she slips away behind her eyes, saying through tears, "I don't want to be like this anymore.  I try so hard.  I tell my brain to stop and it won't listen."  Her brain injury was caused by falling on concrete three times, having slipped on a puddle in a changing room at a resort.  When your brain hits the ground like that, it swells like a bruise, and it swells more if it is hit again.  This is why concussions are important to take care of immediately - if the person were to hit their head again, right after the first one, more damage could be accrued.

But what is so refreshing about being a part of these support groups, is feeling the level of empathy and compassion that each member has for each other.  Everyone is looking for ways to accommodate for each other and for ways to understand them and themselves.  Life slows down in this community and people take note of others, they seem to find everyone interesting and enjoyable; they are curious and humble, values that are often given less priority in a largely competitive and confident society.

Yesterday, I laughed the most during the Aphasia support group, where we had a bunch of Scrabble letters scattered all over the table.  We challenged them to make the longest word possible.  Since Aphasia affects the language centers of your brain, it's helpful to play a variety of word game that ask members to recall words and organize them, or spell words.  These games are fun for us, too.  One of the older members, who wears suspenders with a few buttons declaring his right wing anti-government beliefs - recently telling me about the conspiracy of the Federal Reserve - said, "anti-disestablishment".  Turns out this is actually one of the longest words in English, and also took up the entire table.  It was awesome.

We are our brains and we're doing the best we can with what we have.  As is said in the above quote, the brain is trying to preserve it's identity despite adverse circumstances.  Those who struggle less, shouldn't take that for granted and those who struggle more shouldn't be given sympathy, but be given respect for the amount that they are continually dealing with and overcoming on a daily basis.  They're lives are making them stronger people and everyone should be curious to learn from that.  Take care of your brain!  It's an awesome structure and is looking for ways to grow.

Black and White

"I am losing precious days.  I am degenerating into a machine for making money.  I am learning nothing in this trivial world of men.  I must break away and get out into the mountains to learn the news."  John Muir

I drew a picture of autumn in my Human Behavior class, just like I used to do back when I was in undergrad: make paint drawings on my computer.  Only this time, I also talk in class and contribute, because I actually have thoughts to share and questions to ask.  My professor was talking about race and explaining the process of children coming to an understanding of it, but she spoke like an outsider, as if she was raceless rather than white.  My class has zero diversity, in terms of color: we are all white.  But why didn't the conversation open up to what that means to people?  Did you always know you were white?  I didn't really even know why race was even an issue until I was older.  I had grown up in such a homogenous community, I didn't even really understand why prejudice existed.  People were people.  Isn't this why Stuff White People Like was developed?  Because some white people think they have no culture?  Then I go on that site and every new thing he adds, I think, "I love that!".

I used to think, when I was little, that if people would just stop referring to each other in terms of color, all those issues would go away!  What was wrong with people?!  And why were there two political parties?  Wasn't there just one correct answer to every problem?  Shouldn't these people be finding that answer?  Why would you support the wrong answer?

I also thought that the world had actually existed in black and white at one time, from watching black and white movies.  I remember staring out the window at all the grass and trees, asking my mom, "So when was color invented?".  I also thought God wrote the Bible and dropped it down from the sky and that the rest of the world lived in chains because my teachers kept telling me to be thankful for the freedom that I had.  I pictured everyone else in the world living in black and white still, in prison, and starving.  And I also thought I was a pretty smart kid.

I'm glad I don't think those things anymore, but the learning never stops.  One of the most frustrating things, in my social work classes, is to hear classmates ask questions such as, "Why is immigration so hard?  I mean, my grandparents came over here and worked."  There is just so much I want to respond to that I have to focus on containing myself and remember that we are not on the same page.... maybe even not in the same book.  I will limit myself to one reasonable comment given without an inkle of outrage... hopefully.

But am I learning nothing in this trivial world of men?  Sometimes, I do want to flee to the mountains and get away from having to converse with those whose ideas don't expand my mind in ways I'd like.  But there is always something to learn, even if it's how to hold my tongue and refrain from exploding over the myriad of challenges faced by all kinds of immigrants and how.....

I will finish my drawing of the woods.